March is here! March. February slipped away as the exhaustion and nausea of the first tri dominated my days and nights. But now it's March, the month when I will either miscarry, or be More Pregnant Than Ever Before. It's the month when I will undergo CVS, a test I wouldn't have dreamed of having before I learned of the high risk of fatal genetic disorders for my offspring. It's the month when I will find out if the twins are healthy. It's the month when I may have to face some of my greatest fears, and make decisions that will lie heavy on my heart for the rest of my life.
At my 7w3d ultrasound on Monday, we had a bit of a scare. Baby A was measuring wonderfully, with a good heartbeat. Baby B was small--by 4 days--and had no perceptible heartbeat. The mood from the RE and the NP was not optimistic, but they told us to come back in a few days for a re-check. I could barely absorb the good news about Baby A; the fiercest mama instincts awoke in me. I tried to brace myself for any outcome, but I refused to give up on Baby B.
I didn't want to have the ultrasound two days later; I thought it was a bit of a waste since it could easily be inconclusive. But I diligently went back, and to our delight Baby B had grown two days' worth, and there was the faintest flicker of a heartbeat on the screen! It was weak and slow and hard to see, but I figured we could cut that little heart some slack. After all, it had just started beating. And there was Baby A, who had also grown, whose heart was beating more brightly than before. It was a good, good ultrasound--though I know we're not out of the woods; not by a long shot. Other women can cling to that oft-quoted statistic of miscarriage risk dropping to 5% after seeing the heartbeat. But not me. I've had good ultrasounds before, only to face miscarriage weeks later.
So we take tentative, quiet doses of joy and hope these days, in between the worry and the fear and the relentless maladies of a twin pregnancy. The time is coming when the biggest questions will be answered; the secrets that lie within my babies' chromosomes will be revealed; the fate of this pregnancy will become known. Until then, we hope for the best, knowing too well that we may face the worst.
You are an inspiration. I hope this is your best March ever.
q
Posted by: quickening | March 02, 2007 at 11:52 AM
As they say, I hope March is your bitch.
Seriously...this is exciting stuff. More will be revealed, and none of us are new enough to this where we can say oh yay, it's all going to be perfect now!
But it certainly could turn out perfectly and things are looking really good so far and I'm so, so hopeful for you....
xoxoxoxo
Julie/MB/Georgia
Posted by: Georgia | March 03, 2007 at 04:17 AM